The Lost Planet
by InfinityAgent
Summary: Jurassic!AU. A few members of the Voyager crew have the privilege of stumbling upon the newest Delta Quadrant amusement park. Crackfic one-shot.


**A/N: Based on an ask I received when I asked for prompts on tumblr, that simply read "dinosaurs". Well it was late at night and I had a little too much fun with this one. One-shot, very rushed, won't be revisited (although it probably could use a few tweaks). Enjoy!**

* * *

The recently-beamed away team stood on the surface of the planet, phasers drawn. They were in what looked like a dense tropical jungle, no sign of any of the indicated civilization. Before they even had a chance to speak, there was a rustle in the bushes. All phaser trained on the spot, expecting the worst. In a way, it was. The man that stepped out from the undergrowth was none other than Harry Mudd. A very sweaty and disgruntled looking Harry Mudd in an explorer outfit.

"No, no, no." He frowned, visibly upset. "I told your officers the _precise_ coordinates. Instead of the front gates, they've put you in the backyard."

"Hold on here," Janeway raised a hand to her brow and holstered her weapon. Tom, B'Elanna, and Chakotay followed suit, sensing that the threat was gone. "Harry Mudd? What are you doing in the Delta Quadrant? Alive?"

"It's easier not to think about it… and could say the same about you. Starfleet? All the way out here?" Ushering them towards a path through the trees. "We'll have plenty of time to talk about it, I'm sure. We've got to get moving though…" His shifty nature was of course suspicious to all other persons present, but they had no choice but to pile into a colorful Jeep that the heavyset man had waiting. "You're the first visitors to my new home so far, and I have a feeling you'll be impressed. I certainly am."

"It certainly is… floral." Tom remarked, holding an arm out to prevent outstretched leaves and vines from smacking him across the face.

"That's right! I've spared no expense." A small chuckle from Mudd, "Quite literally. It's cost me nothing, thanks to my industrious workforce."

"Let me guess. Androids." Chakotay sighed, hoping that this would be quick. If history had taught him anything, it was that little good could come from an encounter with the sleazy spaceman. Protocol would probably require that they take him back to the Alpha Quadrant to face trial for some of his acts, but maybe this one could be left off the books. The last thing anyone wanted to do was spend the next couple of decades with Harry Mudd onboard.

"What do you call this place?" B'Elanna tried, hoping to score some intel. The way Mudd grinned indicated that he'd been waiting for that exact question, and was quite pleased to have reached it in conversation.

"You are now in the lost world of the prehistoric past, a world of mighty creatures long gone from the face of the earth, which you are privileged to see in person for the first time…" He paused dramatically, apparently waiting for them to cross into the clearing that was just up ahead. "Ladies, gentlemen, welcome to Jurassic Park." Now that the trees were gone, the away team could clearly see the full extent to Mudd's madness. There were dinosaurs. Herds of them, grazing and milling about as if they couldn't even see the vehicle that was now swerving madly about the pasture.

"I think I'm going to be sick." B'Elanna quietly moaned, gripping onto the edge of the car.

"Everything you see here is one-hundred percent genuine." Mudd continued, ignoring B'Elanna's request for a less wild route. "No holograms and certainly no animatronics."

"I hope you aren't planning on turning this into an amusement park." Chakotay carefully eyed a Iguanodon that was grazing only feet away from the Jeep. His mind was on the dangers that this could pose to unsuspecting alien travelers. The crew was human; they at least knew that dinosaurs weren't something to play around with. "Someone could get seriously hurt."

"Don't worry, those are herbivores." Janeway explained, to her crewmates' astonishment. "What? I had to pick an ancient history class at the academy; it just so happens I prefer _ancient_ ancient history. And I thought you said this was called _Jurassic_ Park, none of these dinosaurs are even from that era."

"Well, Madame," For the first time, Harry Mudd's confidence faltered. But only for a moment. "It's catchier than _Cretaceous_ Park. Imagine a small child trying to say that. It's a mouthful."

"Either way, there's dinosaurs. That's pretty cool, right!" Death itself wouldn't be able to wipe the huge smile off Tom's face. He'd never studied dinosaurs, but he was a kid once. Sure there'd been holoprograms, but the real thing? It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. B'Elanna just shook her head, still a little nauseated. The Jeep suddenly burst a tire over a sharp rock that Mudd hadn't managed to avoid, prompting the car to be brought to a stop.

"Well. That's unfortunate." Mudd frowned, seeming at a loss.

"Can't you just replace the tire?" Tom suggested, having noticed the spare on the way up.

"Replace it? I have no idea how this blasted thing works, I _recovered_ it from a _junkyard_ last time I was on Earth." Janeway suspected that Mudd had done a lot more than just 'recover' the vehicle, and he certainly didn't find it at any junkyard. But now wasn't the time to discuss legal matters. They just needed to get wherever Mudd was taking them, make some exchanges for the goods that they'd been promised, and then be on their way; the rest of the Voyager crew was waiting for their return so that they could continue along home.

"I can do it." Without warning, Tom vaulted from the Jeep and began work on the vehicle. Before he was finished, there was a loud 'thump' that shook the very metal that they rested in. All of the animals in the pasture suddenly froze, like a photograph. Another thud and they took off running. That couldn't be a good sign. Everyone looked to Janeway for some sort of explanation, but she could only shrug. Another shake and a thought occurred to her.

"Harry…" Janeway carefully started, feeling a headache coming on. "You didn't… put them all in the same enclosure, did you?"

"Enclosure?" A hearty laugh from the man who seemed the least bit concerned. "My dear lady, this is nature! This is the real deal out here, you couldn't think I would… lock them up, would you? This isn't a zoo, it's an amusement park."

"I'm not amused." The Captain shot back, causing B'Elanna to snicker. All laughter was quickly cut off as a roar sounded through the surrounding forest, confirming the worst. There was a carnivore on the hunt. They were the prey. And this wasn't the Hirogen; there would be no mercy, no chance of bargaining their way out. This was… 'the real deal'. Moments later, a Tyrannosaurus Rex burst into the clearing, searching for its next meal.

"Tom!" B'Elanna cried out, urging the pilot to get back in the car.

"Hold on, I've almost got it." As hard as he tried, Tom was no pit crew. He could not change a tire in a mere matter of seconds. And it looked like that's just about all the time they had left. The dinosaur charged towards the Jeep, ramming the side of it hard and causing the vehicle to flip. Tom drew his phaser on the beast, but no beam was emitted from the weapon. "Something's wrong with my phaser!"

"You didn't think I would allow you to shoot at my animals, did you?" Mudd laughed nervously, suddenly seeing the error he had made. "I can't shut off the disruptor field unless I'm back at base camp." Janeway tried to make contact with Voyager, but apparently communications had been shut off as well. They were thoroughly stranded. Exposed, Tom ran for the cover of the trees. The T-Rex pursued, trailing the pilot out of sight. Everyone in the car was silent for a moment, trying to assess the situation. There was another roar, and then a scream.

"Tom!" Multiple people shouted at once, suddenly scrambling to get out of the car. The only one who seemed intent on staying behind was Mudd, who cowered under the wreckage and refused to come out. The away team wasn't about to waste time trying to convince him otherwise; they'd probably be better off without him anyways. The crew followed the footsteps marked in the ground by the giant dinosaur until they reached a rock streaked with a bit of blood and some torn uniform. A small dinosaur, only about the height of Janeway's knee, stood on top of the wreckage. It stared up at them, cocking it's head slightly. When B'Elanna hesitantly called out the missing pilot's name again, the dinosaur took a couple of steps towards her, making a chirping kind of noise.

"I think it's Tom." Torres carefully crouched down, "He's been turned into a dinosaur."

"That's ridiculous." Chakotay didn't sound so sure of himself. Was it possible? They'd seen some pretty strange things while in the Delta Quadrant, so it wasn't out of the question. Suspicion died as the dinosaur slowly approached B'Elanna's outstretched hand, tilting its head back and forth. It allowed the engineer to pat its head a little.

"What is he?" She asked, not taking her eyes off the creature in front of her.

"I think… he's some sort of pachycephalosauridae…" It'd been so long since she'd studied dinosaurs, but Janeway _had_ passed with flying colors. A couple moments more and she was able to identify it. "Acrotholus audeti." Nobody was quite sure how to proceed after this.

"He's quite small." Chakotay quietly mumbled, "I always imagined he'd be bigger."

"You've imagined Tom as a dinosaur?" B'Elanna's eyes narrowed, turning to look at the Commander now.

"No, of course not! An animal in general, I mean." He quickly cut himself off to save himself from further embarrassment. It was a little too late for that, however. The dinosaur 'Tom' took advantage of the engineer's inattention and now head-butted her, knocking her to the ground.

"Ow!" She hissed, rubbing the spot. "What the hell, Tom?"

"I'm not sure whose forehead is bigger." The first officer laughed, helping to pull B'Elanna to her feet. 'Tom' made a screeching noise and hopped around a bit.

"Alright well, we'd better go see if we can get the Jeep back on its feet." The best chance they had of getting out was reaching this 'base camp', wherever it was. However, before they could make it back to the clearing, a new species emerged from the brush. A group of about five mid-sized dinosaurs, making clacking and screeching noises as they circled around the Voyager crew (and dinosaur). "Velociraptors." Janeway hissed in a low voice, trying not to make matters worse. "They're assessing us." Whatever it was that they were doing, 'Tom' wanted no part in it. He lunged at the nearest raptor, trying to bash it with his large skull with a less-than-fearsome roar (that sounded more like a squeak). With one swift movement, the Velociraptor dodged the attack and then comped down around the smaller species' neck. Thinking quickly, B'Elanna set her tricorder to release a burst of energy, which seemed to confuse the raptors to the point of being uninterested. They quickly fled back into the trees, leaving the group baffled.

"Oh no…" Torres knelt down beside the gruesome body of the dead dinosaur. "He didn't stand a chance." He'd tried though. He'd tried to save them.

"Oh, Tom." Janeway also crouched down, feeling tears threatening to fall.

"What a way to go." Chakotay whistled, "He always wanted a heroic end."

"Not like this…" B'Elanna reached over and closed the dinosaur's lids. The group of three were silent then, mourning the valuable member of the crew that was no longer with them. They didn't even feel the transporter beams surround them, carrying them back into orbit. On the transporter pad now, none of them moved, still staring at the spot on the ground where the dead body once was. "I guess we'll need our dress uniforms then…"

"What's the occasion?" At the sound of the voice, all three heads snapped up at once.

"Tom!" B'Elanna cried, not for the first time that day. "You're human! And… not dead. And wearing a uniform."

"I could change that." Tom smirked, before shaking his head and continuing. "The T-rex did manage a nasty tear, but Tuvok here transported me back before it could do any real damage. The doctor already took care of the rest." Nobody bothered to mention that they hadn't even been thinking of the T-Rex encounter. That conversation could wait.

"Where the hell is Mudd?" Janeway demanded, speaking to the head of her security department now.

"Mudd?" Tuvok raised an eyebrow now, but otherwise showing no sign of emotion… the typical Vulcan reaction. But something told Janeway that there was no way Tuvok could have found and identified everyone's lifeforms EXCEPT for the con artist. No need to push the issue, they could let it slide. The image of Harry Mudd hiding in an overturned Jeep, scared out of his mind for a couple of hours, was only too sweet. It was his planet; he could find a way out of it. He'd always managed to survive before. And there was still the matter of how he was in this century… whatever wormhole or portal the man had come through, it was one to the wrong time period. Though getting some supplies would have been nice, Janeway didn't feel like sticking around and continuing negotiations. There was another 'M' class planet not too far away; they could try their luck there. The park was doomed and it was no longer their problem. And it wasn't one she was sad to see go.

* * *

 **A/N: Illustration can be found at my tumblr (randomlurkerghost) using: post/127815256994/**


End file.
